Pound: Hmmm…. grunt…
POUND FINISHES HIS EVENING MEAL, PICKING ALL THE REMNANTS OF ROASTED RABBIT FROM HIS BEARD. HE LOOKS THROUGH HIS HAVERSACK AND HE HIS ECSTATIC TO FIND A FEW CHUGS LEFT IN THE LAST BOTTLE OF HIS ‘FLOATY’ WINE.
Pound: Heh, how did I miss this? Ahhh! Refreshing. Must make more.
Voice: Bazgar, this is your mistress, Sarenrae, you should apologize to Fairlight.
Voice: You heard what I said. Apologize.
Pound: Me? Why?
Voice: You said some naughty things to him this afternoon. You hurt his feelings.
Pound: Hurt his feelings? He’s a beast slayer!
Voice: That’s not how he is at all and you know it. Now don’t argue with me and apologize.
Pound: Aye mistress. He is confused. A little schizophrenic. Not right in the head. But I’ll do it anyway – for you.
Voice: Good boy. I have plans for him. He will be my servant.
Pound: What about me?
Voice: You can be my servant by apologizing to Fairlight. And taking a bath. You stink to high heaven.
Pound: Yes, yes mistress, I’ll get right on that.
Another Voice: Sure, do it after one more beer.
Pound: Now there’s an idea. Just one more.
Voice: Bazgar, focus!
Pound: Right mistress, aye, another drink and I’ll be there.
Another Voice: The werewolves are hiding the good stuff. Find it.
Pound: Aye. Look at that, now we got a party of one. A tap and we’re in business.
Voice: Bazgar! Apologize. Now!
Pound: Yes, yes, mistress. I’m your humble, willing servant. I’ll bring him a drink. A drink and an apology go together like Pound and beautiful women. Heh.
Another Voice: Get the blind guy drunk first. You can say whatever you want and he won’t remember.
Pound: Now there’s a plan. He won’t give me that sad puppy look again. I hate that. Sorry and drink up. There we go.
That Voice: Who you kidding? He won’t drink. Just open his mouth and force it in.
Pound: Heh, maybe if he gets tipsy he’ll do his night light trick again. On off, on off! That’ll drive the werewolves batty.
That Voice: Makes a great bug zapper too.
Pound: Aye, damn bugs everywhere tonight. Werewolves and their fleas…
Voice: Bazgar! Apologize, now!
Pound: Yes mistress, yes. Right away. One more beer and I’m ready.
Voice: Put it down and do it now!
Pound: Right, yes, forgive your weak but willing humble servant, Glorious Mistress of the Light. Now where is he?
Yet Another Voice: Creepy crawly hands are coming.
Yet Another Voice: Hands crawling, crawling out of the forest for your throat. Dirty fingers pushing into your mouth…
Pound: Uhhh… Damn too much water and piss in this beer. Why are they all laughing? Damn werewolves.
Voice: Oh not this again. Remember our little talk about this?
Pound: Yes, aye mistress I do… I remember every word from your righteous lips.
Voice: Focus on me and my will. Do what I say.
Pound: Yes, the righteous lips of Your Divineness… Your divine righteous face… Righteous pale bosom…
Voice: Bazgar… Focus!
Yet Another Voice: Slimy tentacles dripping black ooze, winding around your skin.
Pound: Uhhh… Another beer, yes. Just one more for the road.
Another Voice: The blind guy would just throw it up and waste it anyway.
Pound: And I have to drink twice as much of this werewolf piss to get going. Damn werewolves.
Voice: I’m waiting for an apology.
Pound: I’m sorry mistress, forgive me. I promise to never, ever swat the High Priestess’ arse again…
Voice: Fairlight! Apologize to Fairlight. Now!
Another Voice: Ah, he’ll get over it. He loves everybody.
Pound: That’s what you said about the priestess.
Another Voice: She had a serious stick up her ass, to hell with her.
Pound: Yes, mistress. Where’d he go?
That Voice: I love the smell of gold in the evening. Mmmm… nothing tastes like gold.
Pound: Yes, me purse is getting a wee bit light.
That Voice: Elian has a porcelain piggy bank. Smash it. Lots of gold in there.
Pound: He has a piggy bank? Heh, fun to smash those…
Yet Another Voice: The stench of rotting entrails dripping black ooze from eviscerated corpses…
Pound: Uh, yeah, Elian don’t like smash.
Voice: Sigh. How do you get anything done?
Pound: Stout dwarven ale. That gets me up in the morning. Perhaps a boon from my Glorious Lady?
Another Voice: I bet Rurik has some.
Pound: Aye, a peek in his haversack wouldn’t hurt. He might miss it though. I saw him weighing his bottles after a long night once.
Voice: Alright, I’m done here.
Pound: I got it mistress, you can count on me. Yours to command as always.
That Voice: Fairlight doesn’t care about gold. Maybe he’ll give you some. He just gives stuff away.
Pound: He can’t see it, that’s why.\
Another Voice: Get him drunk and play that coin trick on him again.
Pound: Heh, that was funny. Had no idea where all those ink stains came from the next morning.
This Voice: Look, the big cat is sleeping now. Try hooking that cart with the balista up to it again.
Pound: Hmmm, that ranger girl wasn’t too happy about it last time.
This Voice: When she sees it in action she’ll come around. Everyone needs a good mobile balista.
Pound: That’s true. Very true.
That Voice: Would be worth lots of gold, too. Lots.
Pound: Yeah gold… Right after apology, right after this next drink.
That Voice: Cat balista first.
Pound: Hmmm… Launching cats from balistas… Now that just might work…
That Voice: Best idea ever. Do it.
Pound: Yeah, I just need more cats, lots more cats.
Yet Another Voice: They’re coming for you.
Pound: Damn werewolves making me drink this piss.
That Voice: Smash the piggy bank.
Pound: Damn, keg is almost empty. Someone must’ve short-changed them, beer for water. Damn stupid werewolves.
Quiet Voice: Kill them all.
That Voice: Uh-oh, he’s back.
Pound: I know, drink faster. You have to drink piss faster.
That Voice: Elian has a great sense of humor. Remember he laughed and said your name all day after you smashed that rock, remember?
Pound: Was he laughing or crying?
That Voice: Ah what’s the difference? He’ll thank you for it, just like last time.
Quiet Voice: He’s going to kill you. Kill him first.
Pound: Sarenrae, Mistress of the Light, Goddess of Light and Sun, your humble servant seeks your wisdom and guidance. Please hear my voice and grant me a boon. Grant me perseverence and light. Please, divine Sarenrae…
Voice’s Assistant: Thank you for calling. The Divine Sarenrae is attending to important matters and cannot take your call at the moment. Please hang up and call again letter. Kisses and love to all.
Pound: Oh shit, not again. Call me… maybe?
Quiet Voice: She hates you. They all hate you. It’s them or you. Do it now…
Pound: Uh, uh, do something. Do something. Don’t listen. Focus on Sarenrae.
Quiet Voice: Send them to the darkness, all of them…
Pound: Beer’s gone, what now?
Quiet Voice: Kill.
That Voice: Kitty balista.
Pound: Yes! Kitty balista! All right kitty, let’s get this on you. Better this time, you’ll like this. Nice comfy fit. Dwarven quality.
That Voice: This’ll be worth a dwarven king’s ransom.
Not So Quiet Voice: The King demands! You must obey and slay the fiends! Kill them all! Obey!
Quiet Voice: Yes, slay them…
Pound: There we go kitty… Hey, ouch! Don’t hiss at me like that. Hey! Whoops…
CUT TO BLACK.